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Yay. Hooray for my teacher (: She gave me permission to put her name down! (: (: (:

I think I’m losing it.  I’m starting to lose interest in this world. I’m even losing the interest to talk to my family members. It feels like… a burden. A chore. All I can do is to force myself to answer their questions. My head feels like it’s splitting.

I just want to close my eyes, go to sleep and never wake up.

It does, really. I’m a goner.

Anyway, I knew 1 week after the release of our A level results that I had only 1 week left to apply for scholarships. The only reason why I found out about it so late was that I never bothered to check out Brightsparks ): My fault.

Then I happily procrastinated until the third day before closing application date for almost all scholarships.

While filling in the form, to my dismay, there was a “referee” section @$#@#@#$

Apart from the cursing and swearing, I realised that I have no idea who to put. So I happily filled in my teacher’s name and decided to myself that I’ll get her approval another day (big big big big mistake here). So ta-da, look at what mess I’ve got myself into. And it’s my fault for not settling everything earlier and keep pushing the blame to my 8.30 to 6 job. Trying to settle this ridiculous pile of bullshit now but it’s not as smooth as I thought. If all else fails, I’ll just email a letter of apology to the 3 scholarship providers and ask them to withdraw my application.

But Soh Ziwen =) Thank you for comforting me that most people don’t look at the referee part! It managed to calm a few of my nerves but my stupid conscience is nagging at me every second. I think if it weren’t for my brain, I would have led a much more easier and carefree life.

Stuff I’ve still yet to do:

1. Return my Physics tuition teacher his book which is now collecting dust. I was suppose to return it 4 months ago…
2. Send my $10 application fee to NUS (which I was suppose to do so yesterday)
3. Return my cousin her black polo tee plus 13 bucks for the concert ticket (due a week ago)
4. Dig out the A level Math question paper, by hook or by crook, for my colleague (due: nearly a month ago)
5. SMS Simin the address of the job agency (due: 2 weeks ago)

I win hands down at procrastinating.

On a separate tone, I was fuming mad 3 hours ago. Like really mad. The laptop is to me as important as a child is to a mother. Or if you would like me to rephrase, the laptop is to me as important as a religious holy book is to a religious person. So so so SO, don’t ever take the laptop away from me without even informing me. I’m just trying to highlight how important the laptop is to me. Everyone has something which they value and I happen to value the laptop because it opens up another world to me. Although it’s a virtual world, but that’s where I belong, where I feel at ease and where I can finally find my haven.

Hur hur hur. Enough with unhappy stuff. I’m going to a tea shop for a tea drinking session this Sunday with Jing Ying (: Yay! I’ll try to drag Shih Han along too XD I miss those times. I really do. ): Aiya, I miss my secondary school friends. I miss the mornings where we sit at the staircase at the side of the canteen. I miss Mr. Chow’s Physics lessons. I miss even going to the toilet with the girls. RAAARRRRR. I even miss Yue Kai helping me tie my hair!!!

And… I GOT TAGGED! ^^

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
   25! *coughs* Nope, I’m not exaggerating but I have such good foresight that I’ve my future planned. Even my preferred death age.
2. Have you given your first kiss away?
   Now, that is subjective. Under the context “given”, it has to be done willingly. Unfortunately, at the time when I was a baby, I have absolutely no memory over whether did I willingly kiss someone or was forced to smooch any adult who said I was cute.
3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 buddies you would take with you? Why?
   Mmm. No one. I’ll just cry myself to death on the island. I don’t know, I’m quite open to the idea of dying.
4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
   Switzerland! (So that I can marry a Swiss guy XD) tralalala~
5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
   Race and religious harmony
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
   Under the right conditions, yes. Go borrow some Physics textbook and get the answer from there. Tsk tsk, so lazy! :P
7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
   My parents
8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
   Give them to my parents plus my maternal and paternal grandparents
9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
   Weeellll, theoretically yes but actually no. I’m such a coward ):
10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
    Well, hard to say but I realise all my eye candies belong to the tall and lean type (*hint hint*) And according to my standards, they are HANDSOME. Okay, but handsome is subjective.
11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
    There’s no particular type I guess. Bad people (according to my standards)
12. What is your ambition?
    A rich tai-tai (meaning being a rich stay-at-home wife) But I shall be an unconventional rich tai-tai who indulges in web designing and reading Japanese mangas :)
13. If you have a fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
    Hm. True friends should point out each other’s fault, shouldn’t they? But it’s hard to do so in reality. Friends never do that for fear of harming the relationship they have with each other. Such a rhetorical question. Why bother asking?
14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
    Omg. Internet connection!
15. Are you a shopaholic?
    If you sponsor all my shopping expenses, then yes I am. Otherwise, I’ll just sleep at home and don’t even dare of trying to drag me out of the house as I’m un-draggable. :P
16. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
    Important
    (Hello my dear, you play an integral role in my life, especially ever since we became friends!)
17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
    My stubborn character (Yo yo yo Yi Zhen! You can drag me to a pub, not a club, if you wish to. I’m still not touching alcoholic drinks (I’ve tried champagne before) but going to a pub is fine with me.) But before all, get me some pretty presentable clothings first, yeah?
18. Is there anything that you have done that makes you regret?
    Many. And I’ve never lost count of them. Not once. Why do you think my life has been so bitter all this while? It’s because I never managed to put down all these regrets. Not once.
19. What is the weirdest thing you have done?
    Undisclosed content =P
20. What is one crazy thing you wish you had the courage to do?
    I’m going to do it later. Crazy in a sense… Have you ever stared at the people around you? Your neighbours, the people you see on the bus or just simply any strangers. Noticed their faces? How many are feeling down? Ever thought of going up and patting them on the back, wishing them a good day or simply just a hug? You get the idea, don’t you?

Okay. Time to find an envelope to put in the cheque for NUS plus SMS Simin =) At 1.22am.

I’m 19!

To those who wished me happy birthday, called me to say happy birthday, went out with me to celebrate and even mis-called me 19 times (!!!), thank you all :D And even to Maurice who knew me for one day, or less than a day, thank you for wishing me happy birthday!

Finished all my scholarship applications (: Though I don’t think I’ll get any of them. Sighs. Not with my pathetic essays at least… We’ll see how it goes. I’ll be thankful if I even get shortlisted for any interview :X

Anyway, on a rather unrelated note, I WANT TO STRIKE LOTTERY. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Money is important. I know people says money is something you can’t take away with you when you die and neither can it buy happiness for you. But but but but BUT! I read it from a blog that now no longer exists I think or perhaps the owner changed URL. He said money cannot buy happiness but money can buy many things to make you happy.

Think about it :)

Scholarship applications are such a hassle especially when you do it last minute.

I’ve never been so serious about anything before. I’m actually trying to preempt and think about the possible questions which the panel of “judges” will ask. But before that, I have to send out scholarship applications first -_-  And it sucks when I didn’t keep track of anything during my 4 years in secondary school and 2 years in junior college. Worse, I don’t have impressive co-curricular records. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I mean, I took part in only 1 national competition and got back a certificate of participation. =_=

Then comes to something which I’ve never regarded as important - testimonials. Eeeeeek. If I ever knew testimonials were so important, I would not have skipped almost every single Physics lecture and tutorial!! And now I *think* I have a disgraceful demerit point. Meh. ): I shall not not not get a testimonial from my Physics teacher. God knows what she’ll write for me.

Anyway I hope none of the scholarship providers will see this otherwise I’ll really have to dig a hole and hide. Mwahahahaha!

Frankly speaking, it’s quite hard to decide what you’re going to take in university as you need to balance between the passion of your life and practicality. And the passion of my life is to laze around. Nothing beats the excitement I get when lazing around. So you see, it is tough for me to decide what I wish to take in university.

And my grades are…good. But there’s nothing I can say since my result is like the mirror image of almost all my relatives’ ones.